


Kurapika gets a job at Applebees and fights Denny's with his friends

by Ceileice



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Applebees, Denny's, Do the Mario, Doritos - Freeform, Ghosts, Gon Farts, Gon Farts in Killua's Face, Hisoka is a fucker, Killua Dies, Kurapika gets a job, Leorio is dead, PINGAS, Pokkle and Ponzu can't count, Tonpa owns a Bakery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-06
Updated: 2015-08-06
Packaged: 2018-04-13 05:49:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,114
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4510200
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ceileice/pseuds/Ceileice
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>he's still a dumbass though</p>
            </blockquote>





	Kurapika gets a job at Applebees and fights Denny's with his friends

**Author's Note:**

> this fanfic sucks, read at your own risk

Kurapika learned his lesson.

As you remember (maybe you fucking don't, i don't know), Kurapika killed Leorio and microwaved the Doritos which destroyed their entire house and Gon and Killua and Gon and Gon and Kurapika.

Kurapika didn't die because he used the Sharingan to see through the Doritos' attack.

That makes no fucking sense.

W/E KURAPIKA IS ALIVE DEAL WiTH IT.

Gon was alive too, he was watching Blues Clues.

Killua was playing Splapoon. It's like Splatoon, but there's more poon.

haha

Anyway they were in an apartment, cause it was all Kurapika could afford with what little money he had left.

He was still on food stamps so he got free chicken nugegets.

and they had a freezer full of chicken nuggies

mcnuggies

But Gon had the TV up TOO FUCKING LOUD and the neighbors (teh people upstairs) were complaining.

"OH MY GOD TURN THAT FUCKInG TV DOWN BEFORE I SHOVE IT UP YOUR SHHIITTY KID'S ASS!!!" screamed Ponzu to Kurapika, she was their neighbor and she worked at Denny's.

Gon loved Ponzu on Thursdays because she would take him out to Denny's.

Killua was a piece of shit so none for him.

Anyway it was Saturday so like no fucking Denny's.

"You taking me out to Denny's, woman??" Gon asked with an assy look on his face.

"fUCK YOU!" Ponzu walked in and picked up Gon and started spanking him before Kurapika could even answer the door.

"OH MY GOD!!!" Kurapika screamed. "THAT'S CHILD ABUSE!!"

So then he took out his secret weapon, his Doridildo.

it was a oddly shaped dildo that was Cool Ranch flavored. yum??

Kurapika licked it before he smacked Ponzu in the face with it. It was so tasty he couldn't resist.

Then Ponzu ate it because it really was a Dorito it was just shaped like a weirdly shaped dildo.

"OH MY GOD!" Kurapika screamed "I WORKED ON THAT FOR tHE WHOLE SUMMER IT TOOK 73 BAGS OF DORITOS TO MAKE!!!"

"YOU BITCH!!" he continued screaming before they engaged in an epic battle.

Ponzu's bees came out and stung Gon's ass, because his ass was bare since Ponzu pulled the shorts off to spank him.

"OH MY GOD YOU STUPID BEES WRONG TARGET!" Ponzu screamed, "Nice job tho."

Gon cried. How would Killua help him scrub his ass now?

Killua laughed as he looked up from his game. "hahaha Gon's ass has pimples!!!!!"

Then Gon farted in Killua's face and he died.

Bye Killua.

anyway Kurapika threw an Apple at the Bees and that created Applebees.

So Kurapika had a job at Applebees now and he was happy because now he could work.

he made 666 Jennies a minute and that made Chrollo sad because Chrollo was the Applebees janitor he had to scrub the toilets which were nasty.

Then Ponzu screamed. Her precious bees turned into a nasty restaurant.

Ponzu quickly ran to the Denny's she worked at.

Pokkle was there too and he was like "sup babe ;)?"

She ran past him without saying hi though, like a bitch and went into the control room.

"THIS MEANS WAR!!" she screamed as she pressed a button and the roof of Denny's folded in to reveal a giant laser gun.

OH MY GOD!

kurapika saw this and he screamed like a bitch. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

He hid under one of the tables not caring about the people eating at it.

A small child kicked him because she was swinging her legs and so Kurapika ate the child's leg.

The child cried.

"We're suing Applebees." the husband said as he picked his daughter up and angrily left the restaurant with his wife, who was ugly.

Kurapika didn't care though and he was glad the kid was gone.

But he was also sad.

"I wish Leorio was here he always knew how to deal with situations like this." Kurapika started crying because he killed Leorio and now he needed him.

Then Gon started bouncing around because he's a monkey.

Meanwhile So like Ponzu was trying to figure out what 2+2 was because in order to unlock the laser cannon rifle gun gon she needed to know the passcode.

"FUCK!" she screamed. "I really shouldn't have dropped out of kindergarten."

so she pressed 6.

She was wrong.

"urghhhh um POkKLE HELP ME!!" she screamed.

So Pokkle walked in and he said, "Oh, 2+2 is 22, because if you put two and two together, you have 22."

Math genius right here.

Ponzu said, "Okay :)" and she punched it in but she was still wrong.

"WHAT THE FUCK!!!"

Meawhile Kurapika was hugging his knees and sucking on his thumb because he was so scared. That bitch Ponzu was going to blow up Applebees, where he just got a job at.

Gon was still bouncing around and he flew out the window.

He crashed into Tonpa's Bakery and ate some cake.

"HEY !!!" Tonpa screamed but Gon shoved a Bagel in his mouth and he shut up.

Then Kurapika hit his head against the underside of the table and cried.

"Chrollo always wins!!!" he said but Chrollo was scrubbing toilets and he was sad because he always has to scrub toilets.

BUT THEN the ghost of Leorio flew inside the Applebees.

"Macbeth... Macbeth... Macbeth..." he wailed.

Kurapika gasped! That was the one and only Leorio's voice.

"I shouldn't have taken those magic mushrooms earlier." he cried more.

But he was curious to see what his hallucinations would look like so he climbed out from under the table.

"hOLY SHIT THESE MAGIC MUSHROOMS ARE POWERFUL SHIT!!!" he screamed because he was seeing Leorio's ghost.

He didn't believe in ghosts like Chrolley did.

Leorio was sad because he saw Kurapika, who killed him.

"Kurapika you're a bitch." he said.

Kurapika gasped!

"Now look at you, you work a shitty job at Applebees when I was a doctor making 600000 Jennies an hour." he continued.

"BUT YOU FUCKING KILLED ME AND NOW YOU'RE SUFFERING HAHAHAHA!!!" Leorio was laughing but deep down inside his soulless ghost body he was sad.

Kurapika blinked. "Leorio I'm sorry I took magic mushrooms."

Leorio gasped!! "I like Doritos."

Kurapika gasped too, "Leorio, I like Doritos too."

Then he continued, "Listen babe, I'm sorry I killed you over a bag of Doritos... I was off my meds that day :("

Leorio was not convinced.

"Killua is dead." Kurapika added.

Leorio gasped! "What?!??! Really?!?!"

"Yes Gon's fart killed him earlier." Kurpika nodded.

Leorio was happy now he could eat chocolate in peace.

But he was dead.

"awww..." he said.

Meanwhile Ponzu was still trying to figure out 2+2.

"I know, let's ask our most trusted companion." Pokkle said.

So he yelled out gibberish and somebody else walked in.

Oh shit,

Oh shit.

It was Hisoka.

"hey kids its story time!" he exclaimed but then he saw 2+2 on the screen.

"Oh, that's so fucking easy you dumb idiots 2+2 is 200."

Pokkle and Ponzu blinked.

"Just kidding it's 4." Hisoka smiled.

They trusted Hisoka, he was great at flipping pancakes.

So they punched in 4 and it worked.

Now they could shoot Applebees.

Ponzu laughed like an evil Disney villain and pulled pressed a bunch of buttons which caused the lazor to charge up.

"70...60....47....79....13....300..." pokkle counted down but he couldn't count, he dropped out of preschool.

"Shut up Pokkle." Hisoka said.

That made Pokkle sad.

Meanwhile back at the Applebees.

"So um... Killua is dead." Leorio stated.

"Yes and I love tater tots." Kurapika answered.

But then Kurapika remembered Applebees was in danger, oh no. "Um, Leorio. I'm gonna die. Sorry."

Leorio was confused?? "What the fuck Kurapika?"

"Ponzu is going to kill us all. She hates Applebees. She works at Denny's."

Leorio nodded like that made sense. "Well then uh.... fight back?"

Kurapika gasped! "Fight? Leorio, you know I can't fight... Ever since you died my strength became that of a crippled old woman."

"Wow, really? You suck." Leorio said.

Kurapika nodded. "Leorio, if you're really real, please stop Denny's. I like Denny's because Gon and Killua eat for free there but we must stop Ponzu."

"But Killua is dead." Leorio stated.

"LEORIO!!!"

"Okay, fine!!" so he flew over to Denny's because why the fuck not?

Hisoka noticed this because he contacts spirits all the time at his circus.

"Hi, Banana." he said.

Leorio flew past him. That made Hisoka sad.

He had just come up with that nickname for him because of his curved di-

AHEM

Ponzu was still laughing like a Disney villain while Pokkle sung Do The Mario.

"Swing your PINGAS from side to side!"

then Leorio said "ohai"

Ponzu looked up and saw a ghost.

"Lol I drank too much Weed Pudding." she said.

Pokkle agreed.

"Damn is everyone high????" Leorio asked.

"Maybe." Gon said. He was chewing on a crepe.

It was tasty.

Leorio gasped. "Gon, you killed Killua!"

"So?" Gon asked.

"haha true"

Then Gon started doing the mario too, because he likes Nintendo.

Then Hisoka joined in and did the mario as well!

Leorio facepalmed. "So much for their help.... WAIT I WAS GONNA ASK HISOKA FOR HELP!?!?!?"

he ignored that thought.

Ponzu blinked. "Hey, wait. Aren't you the asshole who took my tag when I was sleeping? I was your target after all!"

"umm.m... no???" Leorio was sad. How did Ponzu know this.

Well, whatever, he thought. "Actually, my good friend Gon took it... in the 2011 version he did right??"

Ponzu scratched her chin. Yes she had just finished watching that.

"Oh yeah you're right hahaa."

"But wait why are you here??" she asked. "And why are you a.... um... spirit?"

"Because I went to the spirit world like Yusuke Urameshi did!" Leorio exclaimed.

"You're just as terrible as Kuwabara, though..." Ponzu added.

Leorio was sad.

However, on the plus side, that distracted Ponzu and she was no longer pressing any buttons.

But Pokkkle was!

He pressed the self-destruct button though.

"SHIT!!" Hisoka screamed as he ran over and smacked Pokkle in the face with his cock. Cockslap!!!

Gon gasped!

Ponzu ran over to Gon and covered his eyes. "EWWW DONT LOOK!!!"

Then the entire building exploded.

Bye Denny's.

Ponzu was sad because she was killed by a chimera ant.

Leorio was happy because he helped the idiots at Denny's act even more like idiots.

Gon was happy because he stole carrot cake from Tonpa's bakery.

Kurapika was happy because he got to keep his job at Applebees.

Chrollo was sad because he still had to scrub toilets.

Hisoka licked his lips because Gon had carrot cake cream on the back of his shorts.

Gon gasped! "Leorio, you're a ghost!"

"No fucking shit!!" Leorio exclaimed.

"Oh yeah and I killed Killua, haha he deserved it." Gon laughed and they both walked (but Leorio is floating lmao) back to Applebees.

Kurapika was so happy. "OH MY GOD GUYS I GOT PROMOTED TO MANAGER EVEN THOUGH I DIDNT DO SHIT LOL"

Gon and Leorio were happy about that.

Hisoka was happy about that too, because Kurapika legalized poles at Applebees, so he got on the pole and got jiggly with it.

Kurapika covered Gon's eyes. "OH MY GOD DONT LOOK HISOKAS WEARING A SPEEDO!!!"

Gon asked, "Really?" but then he heard something...

Something he wished he didn't hear.

"GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON"

Uh oh.

Oh fucking Shit.

It was Killua.

Killua's ghost.

"I still love chocolate even though I'm dead!" he clarified.

Ghosts could eat?

Kurapika nodded and wrote it down. "Okay ten free chocolate sundaes for dead Killua."

"Killua, i'm sorry I killed you with my fart. I didn't think it stunk THAT BAD." Gon apologized.

"Gon, it's okay. I'm getting ten chocolate sundaes for FREE. Everything will be alright now." Killua answered as he patted Gon on the head.

Gon was happy. "I want a banana split!"

Then Leorio fist-bumped Killua because they were both dead and ghosts, haha.

"I want PANCAKES!" Leorio said.

Kurapika gasped!

"We don't speak of pancakes here at Applebees." he said.

Leorio was sad. "I want chicken and beer then."

Kurapika nodded. "OK!!!"

He forced the cooks to cook food, and Tsukiyourmama was there because Gourmet.

"I HATE GON FREECSS!" he said. So Kurapika killed him.

haha

All in all, it was a wonderful day for Kurapika and his friends. They stopped Denny's, and Kurapika got a job.

And Killua died.

Maybe life wasn't so bad, after all.

Hisoka humped the pole.

"Schwing this way, baby." he winked.

...

...

...

..................But then the husband with the kid and ugly wife from before sued Applebees.

and Kurapika was sent to jail for eating a child's leg.

And Gon went homeless.

Fuck the world.

...

THE END.


End file.
